It’s okay to not be okay

Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash

You may feel as if you’ve never fit in, or that you’re the misplaced puzzle piece, or that you haven’t felt yourself in a while. You may feel like wanting to avoid the world, trying to run, attempting to hide, or even masking your true self from friends, family, and peers. Don’t let the world and the people in it tear you down, no one and nothing defines you. You are you for a reason, the perfectly unique you. Whether that piece fits in perfectly with the rest doesn’t matter, there is no perfect mould you have to fit into. You wouldn’t be you if you did.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

— Oscar Wilde

You may have scars from your childhood that never fully healed, and you still have that inner child to protect. First, let them know it’s okay, they did nothing wrong. People can be hateful just to make themselves feel better, it’s okay to cry, they don’t need to conceal it. You’ve been struggling in quiet for far too long. You’ve had to learn to be strong on your own for far too long. But remember you made it this far.

Don’t let negative remarks, harsh criticism, and doubts bother you. Instead, let them pass you by. You are the embodiment of your own beauty and brilliance. No one can define what is beautiful and intellectual. There is a reason why we as a society have different interests. Like the marmite debate, you either love it or despise it, not everyone has the same tastes or interests.

I’ve been branded a scrotty goth in the past because someone didn’t like me, mind you, they didn’t even know me personally or as a person, simply judged me from the sidelines. But that’s all it was to me, some random person on the sidelines. Did it hurt my feelings? Of course, I was much younger then, but I’ve since learned a lot.

If I allowed every negative comment to impact me, I’d be a broken shell by now, so I chose not to, I blocked them and went on. Yes, I faltered at times and allowed the negativity in, but I always got back up. It’s difficult to recognise your merits sometimes, but once you do, it becomes easier. Learn to be kinder to yourself. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you’re self-absorbed or selfish. You need to put yourself first now and again, self-care and self-love are vital.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

— Oscar Wilde

So far, you’ve done everything necessary to survive and cope with day-to-day life. You don’t have to put up with other people’s abuse. You should try to stop putting yourself down, and see how high you can soar. You don’t deserve any abuse, you’ve gone through enough already. Walking away from the negativity in your life does not make you a bad person. Learning to be nice to yourself can be difficult but worthwhile in the end.

Your brain will fight against you, and it may feel like a losing battle at times. But push that little demon off your shoulder and discover how wonderful you truly are inside and out. It’s a fight I’ve had many times before, and sometimes I lose, but when I win, it feels bloody brilliant.

Reject those who hurt, belittle, or mistreat you, and forget those who hide behind a mask, spewing noxious gas with a poisonous tongue merely to inflate their egos. You didn’t deserve it, and it’s time to put that chapter behind you. Be your own positive narrative and start the chapter on the right foot, expressing who you truly are without being damaged by someone dousing ink on the page.

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”

— Oscar Wilde

There are truly decent people out there, and when they say nice things, they aren’t lying or aiming to deceive you. It can be difficult to embrace them and their compassion. I too struggle and sometimes wonder why or are they genuine, but after all this time, I’m starting to understand that not everyone is terrible, that not everyone is trying to get you, and that not everyone always leaves you. A happy and bright life is achievable, there is no margin of success, so don’t compare your triumphs and milestones to others. Not everyone walks the same road, that’s what makes everyone unique. Everyone has their own trail to follow, so follow yours, not someone else’s.

No one has everything entirely together, so don’t look at other people’s life snapshots and wish you had that. We all have baggage, but that doesn’t mean we’ll broadcast it on our pages for all to see. There are no fairy tales, happily ever after, or prince charming. We live in an everyday reality where people have flaws just like you. Plus, do you want to live in a world where there are true villains?

“True friends stab you in the front.”

— Oscar Wilde

There may be times when you feel like you’ll never be good enough or that you need to do more to fit in with the crowd, but you are more than enough, and if no one has already told you that, I will. You don’t need to fit in with the crowd, and being different is more fun than being a sheep following the herd. I tried once upon a time to fit in with the prototype, but it didn’t make me feel any better, or like myself. So I established my norms and bloomed as myself. I didn’t fit in with the crowd, and I was fine with that. I met other people with common uniqueness, who had their own individuality.

“What sets you apart can sometimes feel like a burden and it’s not. And a lot of the time, it’s what makes you great.”

— Emma Stone

There may be times when you falter. When negativity creeps back in and judgmental comments echo in your thoughts. It is okay to fall, as long as you get back up more times than you fall down. Don’t be scared to talk to someone, close or professional if necessary. They won’t shun or reject you, as I discovered far later than I like. We all have low times, but it doesn’t define you or make you any less significant. You aren’t your mistakes, and you aren’t permanently broken. You can recover when you’re ready. You did what you needed to do to get through the years, forgive yourself, and move on from the toxic influences in your life. Don’t let fear of failure rule you.

“Feel the fear and do it anyway!”

— Susan Jeffers

There are cruel and unjust elements, as well as people in this world. Shift away from the ugliness and embrace beauty and kindness instead.



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Mum of a small baby, writer & artist enthusiast. fluent in sarcasm. I use too many hashtags, emojis & gifs. One day I will be that mum who embarrasses her child